now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
Randomize
