he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Randomize