I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
Randomize
