you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
You brought string cheese to the strip club
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
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