My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
the day after is always just damage control
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
Randomize
