I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Randomize
