My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
Randomize
