she looked like the bat from fern gully.
His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
Randomize
