so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
