Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Randomize
