that's an acceptable place to lick
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
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