I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
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