Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
You're like the curious george of whores
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
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