Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
Randomize
