batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
