ya dads aren't the best wingmen
we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
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