Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
Randomize
