I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
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