We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Randomize
