mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
My vagina is very pro this idea
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
Randomize
