you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
wow bdsm is so cute
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
We smell like vodka and hangover
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