i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
Randomize