so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
Found your dick twin last night
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Randomize
