if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
Randomize
