If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
Randomize