I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
Randomize
