i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Randomize