Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
Randomize
