And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
Randomize
