she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
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