on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
Randomize
