The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
Randomize
