Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
Randomize
