i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
Randomize
