She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Randomize
