I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
Randomize
