we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize