We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
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