i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
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