Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
Randomize
