My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
Randomize
