No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
Randomize
