he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
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