My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
