She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
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