I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
Randomize
