You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
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