i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
We had sex on a dog bed..
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
Randomize
