I just made out with a guy for $7.
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
Randomize
