upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
I think a kid would responsible me up
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize
