You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
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