it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
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