yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
i would one night stand the shit outta him
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
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