When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
