Just fell off a train. Bad.
No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
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