she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
He shit in the fireplace
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
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