I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
Randomize
