the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
Threesome in a minivan. New low
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
Cover your peen. We're going out.
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
Randomize
