sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
Randomize
