He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
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