i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
