So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
It's never too late to be topless.
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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